I know what you are thinking. What? Wait! Don’t do it. You are so great! What about all the inspiration you have shared, the healings, the advice, the “Anything is Possible”? You have done it against all odds. You are the business mama, the Earth goddess. Don’t give up! I won’t see another acupuncturist! I won’t do it!
And I hear you, I agree with you, our patient/practitioner bond is strong. We get each other! So let me explain what I mean before we go into complete panic.
Have you ever gone through a slump? A proper slump. Like one that lasts longer than 12 months? Some people call it midlife crisis, some people call it perimenopause, some people might even call it depression. I don’t like labels, I tried them on, and they really don’t suit me so it’s something close to one of those. Let me paint you a picture, home life wasn’t flowing, my health wasn’t flowing, and if I was totally honest my work life (my happy place) was taking a dip in energy, reflective of my own energy.
This is when I noticed a Tony Robbins event and grabbed my husband and flew to Sydney for a re-set of our lives. This is where everything I thought I was and everything I built to that point started to crumble around me, slowly and quickly at the same time. If that is even possible. I am talking about relationships, my perspectives, my structures and even values were flipping around. It was challenging.
One thing that happened soon after the event to start it all off, and it’s not a bad thing at all, was my disconnect from alcohol. It’s like, on the last night of the event, I knew I couldn’t put another sip of alcohol into me. Now, was I using alcohol to soothe my nerves? We were having 2 bottles a week. It doesn’t seem like a lot and... I would be lying if I said we didn’t enable each other. You know when one person wants ice cream, the other person is having ice cream by default. So, here I was, knowing, that was the end of my relationship with alcohol. How did I know? Because, my body screamed at me, if you have another drink, even another sip you won’t have long. Yep, it was life or death kind of scream. I felt the inflammation in my joints, and insides, and I knew it wouldn’t take long if I kept going.
With that internal and somewhat spiritual decision, my soul started cleansing anything or anyone that didn’t suit or agree with my internal compass. It was a process. Sometimes very clear and sometimes filled with grief and hurt and not always made complete sense.
Almost 2 years later, my life takes me to a cross-roads. Life and work changed enough for me to make room to review my own health. I’ve learnt that in the background, it’s possible that my body has been storing stresses. I’ve found out that I have Adenomyosis and it made so much sense as my cycles and the sensations that used to be normal and soft have become painful.
This process took me to a place where I asked myself, can I keep doing things the same way? Can I keep over giving, overdoing, overthinking again and again slowly hurting myself from within? Can I afford to keep giving a fu% about what people think* when I know my truth? And the answer, the same as the alcohol saga, was clear. NO.
So, I quit. I quit having the crazy expectations of myself and others. I quit pleasing others or feeling guilty for taking care of myself or my family. I quit making myself feel bad for not being perfect or more than perfect. I quit listening to the voice saying that I am not good enough. I quit listening to anyone who doesn’t provide support, love or kind things to say or share with the world. I quit trying to control people or things that I have no control over.
This doesn’t mean I am shutting shop, this doesn’t mean I’m done helping others.
This does mean, my priorities have changed. This does mean I choose me first every time. I can invite people and community who lift me up and bring me joy. So, I can enjoy life, be with my family, make memories, make beautiful connections and witness the future with some of the wonderful difference we get to make together.
I’m so privileged to do what I do and also I am so privileged to have the family and life that I have. From here on I dance the happy spirit dance, from here on I lean into my passion in every moment.
This may seem like the end, but also it’s a beautiful beginning.
Thank you.
Anna
PS: I'll be personally reaching out to say hi over the next month or so by phone. If you need to reach out first please book in a phone call with me. I'm here for you. And you are not alone.
Feel free to click here to book a call with me.