Three lessons I share with my fertility patients about transforming grief.
Grief has touched many of us. Personally, I think, grief has many layers. OK I can see why no one else wanted to write this blog on the team because I am trying not to cry right now. The first time I felt grief was when I was a young child when my parents broke up, it actually showed up as anger at first but then it remained as a deep hurt in my chest. Loosing a close family member at 11 years of age really hit home and woke up the bear that created a comfortable cave in the middle of my ribcage, he came up with a big roar – hot and bothered. Second grief experience was going through the most important phase in my life as a woman – motherhood. Experiencing a loss of a baby was a grief that went deeper, down, deeper and down into the gut. Loss of a baby had a touch of reinforcement that something in me as a being was not ENOUGH. Then, thank goodness motherhood did manifest and with it came grief also. I know, at this stage, this blog may sound really depressing, but please stay with me and I promise I will share the more positive takeaways from my experience. The grief I felt after I become mum was the sadness about losing a part of me, as I was before.
I know I’m always chirpy and positive, but there is space for both. I think it is important to talk about emotions other than Joy and Happiness and see how we can help them move better through our body, feeling them safely and being kind to ourselves in the process.
What is Grief in TCM?
I see Chinese Medicine theory is this abundant network of connecting emotions to our overall wellbeing. Everything within our mind, body and soul has a purpose and a feedback mechanism to help bring one back to their best version.
As we transition into Autumn season, the environment around us transforms and so do we. This season we support the Lung and Large Intestine on the physical level, these organs are in charge of helping us filter what is needed and what is no longer serving us in this life. We look for changes in these organ systems in clinical practice and support our patients so they can get the most out of their holistic wellbeing. This is such a subtle change, and the easiest way it can be detected is through our thoughts or emotions.
Autumn, on the emotional level is about practicing Gratitude and Faith. When the body is in imbalance emotionally, physically or spiritually it can show up as deep sadness or grief.
Grief can last for years. I’m not sure we can ever move away from it completely, it may get softer, and I believe it has a purpose. Just like we can’t go around cutting out Gallbladders for no reason, we can’t just cut out grief.
3 Lessons I share about Grief with women TTC:
- Feel the feels. – I met a beautiful patient once and at the time I was on a journey of self-development, like very fresh, coaching myself out of a funk. This woman was grieving a dear person in her life who wasn’t there anymore, and I said to her, now I do not recommend you say this to anyone going through grief, I said: “We need to move into gratitude”. It was the biggest trigger word. And I knew it the moment I said it. I wanted to help her, just like I wanted to help me feel better about similar feelings. The fact is, we are all different, and there is no ‘fix’ for grief. I am so sorry my, love. I really am. That is all I probably needed to say. Feeling grief can bring us closer to the person or the thing we are grieving and at the same time that hurts. I believe that feeling grief like any other emotion is better, way better than not feeling it at all. Feeling it creates waves through the lung and gut areas in our body, it keeps it changing and we get rest periods, and it creates pockets of ease as time passes.
- Circle of Trust – Part of feeling is sharing. Having a person or a few that we trust and we can be 100% us with and we can collapse into and let “the bear” out. These very important people have a special role to play, they are space holders, and they are there to listen and not fix, to love us unconditionally and be there when we come back to ourselves and help us to celebrate life too. I am grateful for those people in my life. You know who you are.
- Signs and Rituals – Sometimes, I don’t feel like talking about it. It hurts way too much. Writing about it hurts right now, but I know this will help someone. Sometimes, I need to do things to help soothe myself. I might use a pendulum and talk to the spirit. (I know, a bit out there, but it helps). Other times, I may light a candle, or even say a prayer. Your rituals can be your own, it can be meditating or doing art, or journaling. When I was younger, I would write poems or songs. By expressing our grief, we are helping it transform and move and as long as it moves it’s ok. It’s going to be ok.
I love that Chinese Medicine can understand such deep emotions like Grief. Balancing women with Acupuncture on their journey to conception is such a beautiful non-invasive way to soothe and re-establish their spirit, fill up the faith they have within to carry themselves through this sacred journey. And I love that we can be there to catch her on the other side too.
Are you feeling like you need a safe space to be in and explore this healing that can help transform and move your personal grief?
We are here for you. We offer a complementary call to assess your health needs. Reach out on (03) 8383 6500.
With Love and Gratitude,
Anna Pino
